i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
