She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
