You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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