Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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