With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
