there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
