The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
