Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
