I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
