The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
