Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
