We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The uberlube is also flammable
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dicks are not precious.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
