finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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