I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize