I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize