I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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