it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I need moral support for this bender
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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