quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize