ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
