Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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