Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
