I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
