Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
