I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
