Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
