Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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