went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
