soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
