i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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