Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize