I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
