Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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