Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
