Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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