Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize