he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
