Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize