i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
