I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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