i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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