Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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