ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
