U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
