it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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