This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
