I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
