Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
