I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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