I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
