It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
