my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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