ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize