Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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