no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize