Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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