Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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