She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
