I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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