I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
