he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
