if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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