we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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