Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
