were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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