I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I just sharted jello shots
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