i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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