is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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