If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
